EXPOSING MYSELF AGAIN.....

As most of you know, I had two surgeries.  One in December 06 and the other February 08.  Now the second operation was to correct the first.  Well, I am still able to eat as much as I desire.  I still do not dump and I am now in a size 16.  When I had my first operation I was weighing in at 306.  My lowest weight since having these surgeries were 203.  Never got under 200 pounds.  My weight now is 229.0 as of this morning. 

I feel like both of my operations failed me.  Who else feels this way?  I didn't get this operation to be a size 16.  I was a size 24 when I started and I know I should be satisfied, but I am not.  I always wanted to be in a size 10 or 12.  I would be satisfied with that.  But I feel like my operations failed me.  Who else has this happened to?  I know I am not alone. 

Please hollah at me and let me know whats up!!!

Treena,

Some days I feel the same way...other days I don't.  I  think if I really had to say......
My operation really did not fail me ..I failed it....I don't think that I did every thing I could to make it work.....I am not sure....
I do a lot of wishful thinking....I did not exercise and by the 2nd year I was not doing like I did the first year. 
I lost a lot of weight...but I still need to lose a lot of weight...I don't want to stop here....I have thought about a revision....Not sure but I think I will go an visit my surgeon and see what he thinks.  I would be happy with another 100lbs plus reconstructive surgery. 
Some days ...some meals I can eat some days some meals I cannot not.  I can pretty much eat half portions of most meals.
I still am not sure...this has not settled in my spirit...but now is a good time for me to see what is going on with me and go from there trying to fix this.
Thanks for putting this out there it makes me have to really evaluate my self.  In all honesty. I think the inner me is my enemy.
di

Hey Pastor Di:

You know I love you right.  Just had to get that out of the way first.  But I want to tell you that I worked the hell out of my tool and exercised my azz off for the first 14 months and then got the revision because I was losing and gaining.  I was eating right also.  Only very few people on this board knows how hard I have worked.  But I know there are other things that I can do, but I get very frustrated when I see that I have to work super duper hard while others coast and lose all the weight and then some.  I am so tired right now I feel like giving up.  But I know I cannot do that.  I have to keep pressing toward the mark.  But sometimes, I just have to vent and to see where other are on this topic.

Much Love,
Treena

"I am so tired right now I feel like giving up."

Treena,

Don't you dare give up! You've come too far. This is *your* unique journey, please don't compare it to others. Think of your WOW moments, NSV and personal triumphs...would you've had them without surgery?

I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I feel you, I spaz out daily, but you gotta remember that you're only about a year out from your revision.  The same rules apply, not a magic bullet, not an instant fix, blah, blah, blah.  You work hard,  you know you're doing what you're supposed to, just keep it up, you'll get there.

Treena,

Exposing myself with you......

I dont feel that my surgery has failed me as much as I feel I have failed myself.

I think that whole  " deepest fear that we are powerful beyond measure " is what applies to me. That may apply to you  - you have to dig deep to explore that.

Strangely enough, this used to happen to me when I was dieting on my own as well....not sure why I thought it would be any different with the band???

Bottom line is I need to get some help with my head.  I told a friend on the backline....that if I really got to my goal " the freak " would come out. Somedays Im scared as heck of that happening....today Im thinking  that aint half bad  

Regardless -  I need to be HEALTHY for so many reasons.  Life is so much better that way. And I know this......just wish I had the answers as to why I keep blocking myself. Just wanted to share  that YOU are not alone. 

Treena I think you need consistency. I see you for a while pumped up....but then you kinda deflate. Until you get to your goal you have to be EXTRA pumped up. Exercise, track your food consumption, limit simple carbs, increase protien and water consumption. All that till you get to where you need to be. Once I get to goal I will add more foods that right now I try not to eat so much, I will weigh weekly to make sure I stay at goal, among other things.

You can do it. Just be consistent!

Hi Jus:

I have actually gained some of my weight back, I had lost 160 lbs gained 30 lbs, and I feel like Pastor Di.  I feel that I have failed the surgery.  I'm wasn't working out like I was in the beginning and had gone back to snacking.  But, now I'm exercising (still not like I use to) initially I was working out for  1 1/2 to 2 hours 6 days a week, was shopping at least 3 days a week (that's exercise too) but still I am exercising and I have joined weigh****chers.

Hopefully this will help me get to my original goal.  But I hear what you are saying about some that don't have to work as hard as others to get to their goal.  I just had a feeling a long time ago that I wouldn't be one of the ones that got to their goal without having to seriously work extremely hard for it.  I'm not saying those that reached their goal didn't work hard for it.  But it seems that I just can't get it right with my food issues and I have to make myself workout.  I just don't like working out and I probably need to see therapist about my eating issues.

 

Lia D

REMEMBER WHAT I ALWAYS SAY IF YOU BELIEVE TRHEN SO IT SHALL BE TURN ALL THAT NEGATIVITY TO A POSITIVE TREENA YOU WILL GET THE WEIGHT YOU WANT OFF SAY IT DO IT BELIEVE IT AND SO IT SHALL BE

Treena. I read your post and was not going to reply to it, but since you put up another post asking for your "damn" support, here it go. But please keep in mind, support is not trying what you want to hear, but how a person truly feels.  You more likely will not like what I am about to type and that is fine.

I don't think you can say that your surgeries fail you unless you know without a shadow of a doubt that you did everything that you were suppose to have done and still did not succeed and I am sorry but I really don't believe that you did.  Now before you get upset and ready to read me, let me explain.  I can only go by what you type on the board and i will take only one thing.

Alcohol...now, yes I know that you have had x number of days Alcohol free and I take my hat to you for that achievement, but if Alcohol was such a problem for you as you say, then it is a great possibility that you were drinking just as many calories as you were eating and although you may have not been eating that, a calorie is a calorie and your body does not know or care where it comes from when it come to storage it as fat, this is why I said that you could not have been doing your part and this is not a put down to you, but when I read some type that their surgery failed them, yet I read where they are so not doing what they should be doing,  I can only shake my head.

Just because you can eat as much as you desire, doesn't mean that you should eat as much as you desire.